Who wears a wallet chain?!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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