Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
