how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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