the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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