I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize