her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
