But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
