dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
