you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
