Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
