TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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