You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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