a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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