genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
