woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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