I will die if light touches me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
