I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize