the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
