the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
