like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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