Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she looked like the before picture.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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