She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
