So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
