Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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