a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
