I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
