i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
