You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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