the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
