sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
