How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
