i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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