dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
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Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
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I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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