last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
