i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
