i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
