do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
