If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
