what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
