ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
