i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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