Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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