OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
