Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
