You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
