We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
