Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
