??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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