We won't sleep together?
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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