If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I want to be your penis for a week.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
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