just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
