great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
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I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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