i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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