I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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