Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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