I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
