Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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