Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
