After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
