So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
