I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
