So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's rum buckets o'clock
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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