just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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