I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
