Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
