the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
