I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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