if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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