You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
