hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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