honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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