Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
